As a hermit, I am a pilgrim, dependent on a pure faith that I am exactly where God would have me be. I am here, and it is now.

I forget in which of his books I read this, but it’s a prayer written by Thomas Merton shortly after he’d finally moved into his hermitage full time. The ‘I am here, and it is now’ I added, though of course it’s also borrowed.

It’s a prayer, an affirmation, I recite at least once a day. And, like Merton, I aspire to that ‘pure faith’. Faith is a strange thing: it may grow and develop and then it does indeed support me in my intentions and living, not to mention the comfort it provides..

But, all of a sudden it can just flow away, leaving me adrift, bereft, and not sure of anything.

I am a pilgrim, it’s true. But as Bhajan (a bhajan is a sacred song, a hymn) singer Krishna Das sings:

I am a pilgrim/the road’s so long.

And sometimes it seems a lot longer than this particular pilgrim would like. Still, as they say, how long’s a piece of string? And it’s rougher than I’d like as well. but again how rough is rough? Layers of meaning in that word longer.

Yes, I am a  hermit, and my mind’s not the same, as Jackson VanHorn sings. Same as what? Whose mind is mine different from? Is my mind somehow not that same as it once was? True though: my mind is hardly ever the same.Here’s the whole chorus as it spoke to me:

Yes I am a hermit
My mind is not the same
Yes I am a hermit and ecstacy’s
my game.

For this hermit, ecstacy is not a stage experienced all that often. Mind you, there are fleeting moments, but like the pilgrim road, there are long distances to be trod between one of those moments and the next.

And as for Tim Moore claiming he’s

‘… sittin’ peacefully on Hermit Rock’?

Well, yes the rock – the hermitage – has much potential for peacefulness; a peace expereienced quite often actually. It’s a sacred space

But, as in any way of living, any way of being, peace comes and peace goes. And when it goes, it can seem like it never existed, and that ‘sittin’ peacefully’ is, and always will be a fantasy never to be realised or made real.

It’s about equinimity 

That’s something else I heard today. Well, there’s not a lot of equinimity in this hermit pilgrim today. Seems, then, that there needs to be some shifting of perspective; some peace needs to be restored

My Lord Ishvara

Deep withn the still centre of my being

May I find peace.

Silently withing the quiet of the grove

May I share peace.

Gently and powerfully in the wider circle of humankind

May I radiate peace.

Om Tat Sat

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Afterword:

A few hours have passed since I made these notes; I have regained a little balance, but still thought it was important to publish this post.

Thank you for your patience

Love and peace

Paul the hermit