Last January I published a post inspired by a favourite verse from the Bhagavad Gita:
If anyone with love and devotion offers me a leaf, a flower, a fruit, or water, I will accept it. Bhagavad Gita 9:26
If you like you can read the post here, but I will be including the poem that made up that post in this one which shares the same topic,
Today’s post was in fact written during my more recent hospital stay as a record of a very nice encounter with my Bhagavad Gita and a nurse. I’ll only make changes to tidy it up a bit and to make it clearer for you, the reader.
A ministering angel, in the guise of a nurse happened to notice my beloved little Bhagavad Gita sitting on my bed-side cupboard as she went about her healing duties. Picking it up, pausing to gaze at the image of the Lord on the cover, she then exclaimed excitedly:
‘You love Krishna!’ She was already opening and closing my book at random, with a rapt expression on her face.
‘I do love Krishna,’ I replied, happy to connect with a fellow devotee.
‘O my God,’ she cried even more excitedly, ‘you even have leaf. She held up one of the small leaves I’d slipped between the pages. It was as if she was making of it an offering, just as I had when first putting it there, in remembrance of that verse I love.
I think there are at least half a dozen such leaves offered at various times over the years.
Gently, reverently, she put the leaf back in its pages, closed the book carefully, and replaced it in the exact same position on the bed-side table.
‘I am very glad you love Krishna,’ she smiled as she tuned to leave and headed to serve the next one in need of healing.
One of the topics I like to explore on YouTube (my ‘break’ is over and I don’t think I’m scrolling quite do much as I was before I took that break) is the lives of hermits; the monastic life as lived by nuns, monks and priests of any and all religious traditions or none.
That’s more than one topic isn’t it? Well, you get the drift. In any case, last night I rediscovered a nice documentary on a monastery in the United States I had already seen but decided to watch it again. Here’s the link.
Courtesy Wikipedia
A monk on the doco talks about The Rule of Benedict. Just as the name suggests this is the rule (of life) written by Saint Benedict of Nursia in the 6th Century to help guide monks and nuns living in monastic communities in all aspects of a shared life dedcated to God.
Benedict had a good insight into such a life (and human nature) and the ‘Rule” is in fact a text containg many instructions and a great deal of advice on monastic life centred around what he termed Ora et Labora – the very essence of the contemplative life in his view.
It’s Latin of course and translates to Pray and Work and is followed by many monasteries in the Christian traditon. Of course, monastic communities in most traditions have similar sts of guidelines or ‘Rules’.
The primary focus and function of monastics is to pray. That’s what they are there for. But Benidict figured that some kind of balance was needed; not only so the monasteries could support themselves but so monks and nuns actually got some physical activity. Hence the equal emphasis on work.
So, the two ideals work together in a way supports a balanced, ordered, harmonious and peaceful community (in theory). Pray and work are intertwined. Even the Latin for pray, Ora is embedded in Labora, the word for work.
We don’t do rules here at the hermitage, not into them at all actually, but I do like this Pray and Work idea very much. It is, after all, what we do too, and why we are here. In fact, I try to approach everything I do as a prayer. It doesn’t always work in the sense that, while prayer and work may be one and the same, I tend to sometimes forget that fact. So having this pray and work principle as a central tenet of my life reminds me to remember that I am actually doing both.
I pray – quite a lot actually. Chanting mantra, reciting set prayers I’ve gathered into my practice over the years or that I’ve written myself. Then there is the prayer that comes from within silence, the contemplation of the texts I study, the things I see, hear, or talk about.
There is the cultivation of ‘good thoughts’ and feelings of compassion. Just sitting, being still and quiet with an open mind. Simply stopping to look at a flower, a tree or another person and sense the beauty. All these and more are prayer.
Which leads us to the ‘Work’ side of the equation. What exactly is my work? First thing to say is, I am a hermit and a monk and my primary job is to pray. If It sounds like a closed system, that’s because it is.
My work includes my studies and practices which are aimed at cultivating those good thoughts and open mind we talked about, and that attempt to ‘create good vibes in the world’. (Which, as I’ve written many times, is best achieved when I am secluded at least a little from the busyness of the world.
Lest you imagine that I am missing out on the physical activity seen by Benedict as essential to balance, let me assure you I do get quite a lot of exercise – more all the time as I recover. It’s my yoga practice, an integral aspect of my prayer and work life.
This blog is a part of my work. Though, to be honest, publishing this blog and engaging with our little community, gives me so much pleasure, joy, and ‘good vibes’, that I really can’t call it ‘work’. Writing and posting does me good!
When it comes to work, it’s not so much about what you do (we gotta do what we gotta do), but more about how you approach that work.
What transforms work into prayer is doing it for the right reasons. But who’s to say what are ‘right reasons’? Well that’s easy: you. Or me. Or any other individual deciding for themselves and for themselves alone.
As I said my work – and prayer – is to try to create good vibes in the world. I don’t always succeed but I think it really is the effort and intention that is most important. And not being attached to the outcomes. As in: ‘Aren’t I so holy and virtuous praying for the world all the time’. Hardly.
No. Create the vibe, let it go, and let it do its thing.
No posts for a while. There isn’t one today either actually. I simply felt the need to reach out, connect, write.
Blogging requires a continually refilling reservoir of ideas. And it is then necessary to reflect on those ideas (or at least one of them at a time) and then to commit them to paper – or screen.
And despite my, at times desperate longing to actually write a blog post and to share it here, the fact is that no ideas, and not a lot of energy and mental space to reflect and write have made available to me.
There’s the problem right there isn’t it: ‘at times desperate longing? Talk about attachment to outcomes, to a clinging desire for results. So much for my claim to not being ‘goal oriented’. Hardly.
And it’s not as if I’ve not had a lot of other stuff going on in my life. While I mostly manage to carry on with my spiritual practices and routines, it seems that along with physiotherapy exercises daily, medical appointments, and the rest, I haven’t been left with much physical, mental, or creative energies left over for much else.
But, really, it’s the attachment and clinging that’s the real bugbear. The ‘reasons’ for not writing and posting may well be good and true, but still I get frustrated, not being able to jot down and send my notes out into the world.
So, just be. Don’t worry about it. That would seem to be the sensible advice.
And I am trying to take that advice – thank you. Be patient. Be present. Be quiet – keep silence. Be still and listen.
That’s all there is to it really. Ideas and energies are there. Or do I mean here?
Lately it’s been a bit hard to remember I’m actually a hermit. A lengthy hospital stay, doctors’ visits, sessions with physio and other therapists, moving to a new hermitage. There seems to be no end to the people and activities pulling me back out there into the world.
Sometimes I would like to just stop, do nothing and simply be.
But even a hermit isn’t exempt from performing actions in the world. Of course the point of living in seclusion as a hermit is to minimise contact and interaction with the world of people and things of the world; to renouncing objects and pleasures of the senses and ridding oneself of desires for these material experiences.
Even so, no matter the degree to which one renounces action, it is simply not possible to cease all activity in this world.
Recently I came across a kind of list of the three types of categories or activities one must never renounce regardless of the level of withdrawal from the world.
In fact, looking at it from another perspective, this little list could be described as a guide on the types of activities to undertake for not only hermits but all of us wanting to live a life of ‘being good and doing good’. And as a means to make every single thing we do serve the Truth.
Actually, that brings us to the top most (for me at least) of the three categories of activity that are never to be renounced, which is the embracing of actions that contribute to my quest to understand my true nature, to fully realise the divinity within myself that is in fact the divinity that pervades and permeates all there is.
My intention is that all my activities are informed by loving devotion to this divinity and a deep yearning to be of service to that divinity. Don’t relate to Divinity? That’s okay: substitute God, the Universe, Love, Beauty, Truth …
Which now leads me to the next category: I aspire to consider the welfare of all other living beings as I perform any action in this world. Being mindful at all times to ensure my actions, including my speech and thought, causes as little harm as possible; how can I be good?
Of course the other side of this mindfulness is to continually be asking myself, what can I actually do to contribute in a positive way to the welfare of all living beings; how can I do good?
The final of the three equal, mutually dependant, and intimately interconnected categories of activities require once again a continual mindfulness to my own welfare, on all levels.
Sounds obvious: we all want be happy, to enjoy life and be healthy. But, speaking only for myself here, there are any number of activities I have engaged in (some I still do) in order to get some pleasure, to be happy, whatever, that might work for a while, but as with all worldly things, it never lasts. As the saying goes, that which at first tastes like nectar can end up being poison.
Like the relationship I share with Youtube. With no television in the Hermitage Youtube is the go to space for things to watch; an unlimited source for study, inspiration, and sometimes simply for entertainment.
But last night, and by no means for the first time, I realized I was spending far more time ‘looking’ (AKA scrolling) for something of interest to watch then actually watching anything.
Now, watching videos for study, inspiration, and even entertainment, may contribute to my welfare, but scrolling certainly does not. Time consuming, mind deadening, it leads to irritability, depression and exposure to content I want nothing to do with. Time for (another) break.
Sometimes, when the ears can hear and the eyes can see, there are many signs and wonders to be witnessed; there are communications to be recieved from some seemingly other source than inside our little physical, material selves.
Birds, they say, sing with the voice of God, their song being the song of the Universe, so that the rest of us may hear. Or if you like, a bird’s song opens up within us a kind of portal to the true or Higher Self so we may hear the words of the Divine within.
There is a particular bird that we have often heard, though never seen, who is close to our hermitage, though we also hear others with the same song from farther away. The song seems simple, but it is profound.
Two sounds, 1,2. Two notes in slightly different keys. Like the hoot of an owl but not low and deep as I imagine an owl’s voice might be. But not especially high or shrill either. Flat? No I wouldn’t say so: each note is unique.
Some days ago my partner hermit was ‘just sitting in the hermitage garden, not focusing on anything in particular, when she heard the bird’s voice again.
And then without volition or any bidding on her part, the words Let Go seemed to superimpose themselves over the two notes of the bird’s call.
Naturally, she shared what she had heard with me, a message from or via the winged one. So, when next I heard the bird call, I automatically heard Let Go, Let Go. Now, it’s difficult to not hear the message in that short song.
But there’s more.
From time to time the bird’s call (or that of a more distant relative) becomes a three part call, 1,2,3, with the first note short, very short but seemingly with a particular stress of its own. Quickly this new variation morphed into the expanded message, Just let go. Sometimes Let go, sometimes Just let go.
But, wait, there is even more, hence this story I am sharing with you now.
Last night, in the dark and quiet of early morning wakefulness, I heard the bird once again, another new variation: again the same 1,2,3, but now with a fourth note added 1,2,3,4,. Now I heard Just let go now.
Let go of what? No need to ask: just let go of random, chaotic, and repetitive thoughts; release tension and worry, fear and anxiety. When? Now. You can’t let go in an hour, or tomorrow, or next Wednesday. There is only now.
This is the song of the cosmos that we have heard. As I can hear, now in the distance, the two tone variation: Let go, let go.
Physiotherapy, formal exercises as well as the myriad of day-to-day activities required to maintain a physical body, is prescribed as the way forward for people like me who have experienced a stroke.
Quite right too. Exercises and activities to build and strengthen muscle to help recover mobility; to repair broken – and develop new – brain pathways to help recover dexterity and increase both micro and macro motor functioning.
But what of psychotherapy? Not the talking, talking and more talking kind that aims to uncover past traumas, root out the cause of current psychological and emotional issues in an attempt to ‘fix’ you. While talking can be hugely helpful, (I mean it. Talking to a trusted friend, relative or professional, provides not only emotional support, but can give you new perspectives and fresh insights into even the most intractable issues).
What I’m getting at here is more about therapy for the complete psyche: the emotions and the mind and including the spirit or soul.
It is about the rebuilding of confidence – the ‘I am able’ attitude – and it is about filling the void to evolve a meaningful life.
The refuge that each day I commit to take in the divine will of the universe is where this care of the psyche -the inner me, if you like – begins.
Pause for reflection #1: If I take refuge in the will of that which is on the face of it ‘a higher power’ than my own, then why the big efforts at ‘filling the void’. Sounds like I’m resisting that divine will, or somehow refusing to acknowledge the reality of my life as it is.
Of course the ‘making of effort’ and doing our bit is absolutely vital and necessary. So I pray, I meditate, I read, I sit quietly, I create what and when I can. And I make blog notes like this and they also count.
But it doesn’t feel enough. It’s like I’m trying too hard to get to some point I’ve actually acknowledged I’m already at: in the shelter of the will of the universe.
I don’t like to say it, but I’m bored, and I think it is the constant ‘trying’ that is the big obstacle to having a more rounded and holistic approach and attitude to living here and now with life as it actually is for me at this moment.
‘Trying’ suggests the going outside of the present. Making huge straining efforts to make things other than they are. Hardly living in the moment is it?
There are long periods when I find myself sitting with ‘nothing to do’ (I cant read, write, create and pray all the time as in 24/7 can I?)
Pause for reflection #2: Why not? You may very well be asking, as indeed I am asking myself right now. Perhaps these spaces and times are the will of the Divine specificallydesigned for me to learn to sit in silence and to simply be. Maybe they offer spaces and times for me to be quiet; opportunities to simply be open to receive, lessons in presence.
Not only that, perhaps they are healing times when all the fragments of my psyche can settle back into their rightful place.
So, the problem is the solution, is what I seem to be saying here. The times I am describing here and which I often face and experience with dread, are precisely gifts of grace granted to me to help me heal, and teach me to sit in silence learning to listen.
Yes, keeping silent except when and how it is the divine will of the universe might be quite nice.
Just let go cries the winged messenger perched in the fence-corner tree. Let go. Just surrender. Surrender to what? The river of life, its flow, its vibe
Lord here I am, I cry in reply. Two beings, one Self.
‘I must be back in the blog writing mode, I’m really hanging out for a new topic.’ I blurted out to my partner hermit just now.
Actually, it was desperate. What I actually said was ‘I’m really desperate‘ for a new topic. I quickly modified it to anxious then again to keen, in an attempt to keep the sound of attachment out of my voice. Finally, in these notes, it’s morphed into ‘hanging out’ which is obviously no better at all.
Her reply needs no disclaimer, no modification: ‘The answer comes from the silence,’ she said quietly.
I’ve actually had a relatively quiet – even silent – day: resting in recovery, laying on my bed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes simply following my breath.
Mind wandering, of course, that’s what minds do after all. But overall at least a semblance of silence seemed to be the order of the day.
Even then, after all that silence, quiet, rest and mostly a not overly busy mind, the best I can come up with is ‘I’m desperate’?
As in, I’m really hanging out; really anxious; really keen. As in, I”m not really listening – not at all silent. In fact, so full of desire, clinging and attachment for a new blog topic was I, that actually noticing one come out of the ‘silence’ would likely take a miracle.
All day – hours – I lie still. As I said, only sometimes sleeping, the rest of those several hours watching my breath, attempting just to be in silence and in the stillness.
So is it me? Am I missing something? An answer has come (here I am making notes for a new blog post), but what’s this ‘silence’ business from where answers apparently come all about?
Clearly, silence does not always seem to require an absolute, complete, and total absence of noise, voice, words, thoughts, if it is indeed the source of ‘answers’.
Maybe silence itself produced an apparent state of attachment to a new blog idea as a kind of ruse or trick to have my Self fool myself into seeing the foolishness of attachment as well as showing me how silence really works – in the real world.
Silence is not some sort of rarified mystical state that we have to enter through rigorous spiritual practices. It is actually a condition that emerges from everyday moments, ‘random’ thoughts, or comments made seemingly without thought or any apparent significance or meaning. Actually silence lives everywhere, is in everything and is all the time.
If my life was ruled by ‘clock’ time (which generally speaking it is in spite of my many protests and despite my continuing meditation and other practices designed to assist in developing a sense of being fully present thereby enabling one to truly live in the here and now), I would be telling you now that there’s been a long gap between posts and that this has occurred because two and A half months ago I had a stroke and I didn’t leave the hospital untill less than a fortnight ago.
But there’s been no ‘gap’, the posts will carry on flowing along (or not) of their own accord; and while it is true that my brain and heart colluded in an action that has for now resulted in some damage to other bits of my body, the simple reality is that life has gone on doing what life does, and I AM still here, with perhaps a little more of a clue to the ‘how to live in the here and now’ as well as the whole ‘I AM THAT I AM and not the body’ mysteries.
Obviously, I’m not into swapping ‘You think your hospital stay was bad? Well let me tell you … .’ stories. Now I think about it, there are quite a few of the good, uplifting, kindness and compassion, decency and respect variety a couple of which I might write about if they decide they want to be shared.
But for now (when else is there?) I am here (where else is there?) trying to flow in the life I share with my partner hermit in our new (for us) hermitage just over the other side of the village Main Road.
Notes from the Hermit's Cave 