No posts for a while. There isn’t one today either actually. I simply felt the need to reach out, connect, write.
Blogging requires a continually refilling reservoir of ideas. And it is then necessary to reflect on those ideas (or at least one of them at a time) and then to commit them to paper – or screen.
And despite my, at times desperate longing to actually write a blog post and to share it here, the fact is that no ideas, and not a lot of energy and mental space to reflect and write have made available to me.
There’s the problem right there isn’t it: ‘at times desperate longing? Talk about attachment to outcomes, to a clinging desire for results. So much for my claim to not being ‘goal oriented’. Hardly.
And it’s not as if I’ve not had a lot of other stuff going on in my life. While I mostly manage to carry on with my spiritual practices and routines, it seems that along with physiotherapy exercises daily, medical appointments, and the rest, I haven’t been left with much physical, mental, or creative energies left over for much else.
But, really, it’s the attachment and clinging that’s the real bugbear. The ‘reasons’ for not writing and posting may well be good and true, but still I get frustrated, not being able to jot down and send my notes out into the world.
So, just be. Don’t worry about it. That would seem to be the sensible advice.
And I am trying to take that advice – thank you. Be patient. Be present. Be quiet – keep silence. Be still and listen.
That’s all there is to it really. Ideas and energies are there. Or do I mean here?
Growing up Catholic, attending Catholic schools from age six to fifteen, going to Confession most weeks, going to mass once a week, oftentimes more, I was deeply immersed in a particular cultural environment of Catholicism. Over time I was (we all were) inculcated with, among other things, a deep love and a reverence for Mary, the mother of Jesus.
I say deep love. No, I’m not being quite precise enough to let it slide. Sure we were taught to love her, but in a kind of limited way. We should love her because she is the mother of Jesus. Not that being the mother of Jesus was what you would label a ‘limited’ role of course. But other than that we were taught to view Mary as an intercessor for us, a conduit if you like between us and our wants, and her son Jesus. So love yes, but a kind of conditional love.
Mind you I was always very fond of Our Lady as we called her. Through a serious dedication (for a time) to The Rosary, and the numerous Hail Marys imposed as penances in Confession, I grew close to her.
And, even as I moved on and out of that Catholic sub-culture and began to explore other ideas and ways of being, I still maintained that fairly deep reverence for Mary, a reverence that has pretty much stayed with me all my life. I only realised today that it wasn’t until quite recently that I stopped calling her Our Lady.
But, in truth, my concept of her evolved beyond her being the mother of Jesus. Indeed, I came to a point when I realised it wasn’t at all relevant if Mary herself was an actual historical figure or not (this was much much later though).
For me Mary had come to represent or symbolise the female aspect of the Divine. Still, in the early days, very dualistic of course, but a huge step from the ‘second place’ she occupied in the earlier days when we weren’t even allowed to worship her as Divine. Worship was reserved for God – who was emphatically and indisputably male, sitting in heaven, entry to which was held tightly in the hands of more males in a male controlled and dominated institution. Which, it does have to be said merely reflected the world it operated in.
Anyway, let’s jump ahead half a life time of, (shall we say for our purposes here?) living, to put ourselves into the present day. Well, recent times anyway.
To put a very long story into one sentence (again for our purposes here today) I will simply say that I moved away from Christianity and especially the denomination of my childhood. Okay, we need another sentence: In more recent times, through a whole lot of circuitous meanderings, I have come to realise that there is only God.
That is to say, all there is is God, only God, nothing else. ‘Not one God, only God.’ as my teacher’s teacher used to say.
Earth Mother (Courtesy of Amber Avalona, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons)
Nowadays I still love and revere Mary. As symbol. A symbol of the creative energies responsible for bringing the Universe into existence, and which is engaged in the ongoingness of its maintainance through the laws of nature. She is one manifestation among so many of this divine creativity. In a very real sense for me, she is the Divine Mother.
So, a prayer written by me to and for the Great Mother who manifests in whatever form – or no form – in which any of us may choose to worship and love her.
Notes from the Hermit's Cave 