Physiotherapy, formal exercises as well as the myriad of day-to-day activities required to maintain a physical body, is prescribed as the way forward for people like me who have experienced a stroke.
Quite right too. Exercises and activities to build and strengthen muscle to help recover mobility; to repair broken – and develop new – brain pathways to help recover dexterity and increase both micro and macro motor functioning.
But what of psychotherapy? Not the talking, talking and more talking kind that aims to uncover past traumas, root out the cause of current psychological and emotional issues in an attempt to ‘fix’ you. While talking can be hugely helpful, (I mean it. Talking to a trusted friend, relative or professional, provides not only emotional support, but can give you new perspectives and fresh insights into even the most intractable issues).
What I’m getting at here is more about therapy for the complete psyche: the emotions and the mind and including the spirit or soul.
It is about the rebuilding of confidence – the ‘I am able’ attitude – and it is about filling the void to evolve a meaningful life.
The refuge that each day I commit to take in the divine will of the universe is where this care of the psyche -the inner me, if you like – begins.
Pause for reflection #1: If I take refuge in the will of that which is on the face of it ‘a higher power’ than my own, then why the big efforts at ‘filling the void’. Sounds like I’m resisting that divine will, or somehow refusing to acknowledge the reality of my life as it is.
Of course the ‘making of effort’ and doing our bit is absolutely vital and necessary. So I pray, I meditate, I read, I sit quietly, I create what and when I can. And I make blog notes like this and they also count.
But it doesn’t feel enough. It’s like I’m trying too hard to get to some point I’ve actually acknowledged I’m already at: in the shelter of the will of the universe.
I don’t like to say it, but I’m bored, and I think it is the constant ‘trying’ that is the big obstacle to having a more rounded and holistic approach and attitude to living here and now with life as it actually is for me at this moment.
‘Trying’ suggests the going outside of the present. Making huge straining efforts to make things other than they are. Hardly living in the moment is it?
There are long periods when I find myself sitting with ‘nothing to do’ (I cant read, write, create and pray all the time as in 24/7 can I?)
Pause for reflection #2: Why not? You may very well be asking, as indeed I am asking myself right now. Perhaps these spaces and times are the will of the Divine specificallydesigned for me to learn to sit in silence and to simply be. Maybe they offer spaces and times for me to be quiet; opportunities to simply be open to receive, lessons in presence.
Not only that, perhaps they are healing times when all the fragments of my psyche can settle back into their rightful place.
So, the problem is the solution, is what I seem to be saying here. The times I am describing here and which I often face and experience with dread, are precisely gifts of grace granted to me to help me heal, and teach me to sit in silence learning to listen.
Yes, keeping silent except when and how it is the divine will of the universe might be quite nice.
To ‘check the weather’ is to actively seek knowledge – news – of the world; it’s asking, what’s going on out there? Kind of an attachment, and in most cases, most of the time, I don’t seek out news of the world, but in certain circumstances it does sometimes seem necessary.
So, because it’s been raining heavily, and there have has been some minor flooding not too far from us, I checked the Bureau of Meteorology earlier this morning – I have an app on my phone.
Along with the air temperature, the measured and predicted rainfall, and other weather related details, there is list of ‘Current Severe Weather Warnings’.
There were three listed: big surf (we’re a couple of kilometres from the coast), big winds, and a third which leapt out and grabbed me, or putting it more accurately, it reached out and grabbed my heart.
A ‘Sheep Graziers’ Warning’ it’s called. It’s purpose is to warn farmers, that due to cold temperatures, heavy rain, and high winds, there is a risk of ‘losses to lambs and sheep exposed to these conditions.’
In other words, lambs and sheep might die if left out in the weather.
That casual check of the weather has now exposed me to some of that information of the world, the news, that I usually avoid. And that news has impacted my heart, my soul.
The risk of ‘loss’ to those sheep – and lambs – is to me as devastating as it would be when any other being is at risk of suffering or death. And, obviously, I’m absolutely aware at the same level that many creatures of many and varied species – including my own – are at this moment exposed to the very same risks.
One of the thoughts that occur to me is this: The very reason for these warnings is so that farmers can take the appropriate action to protect and safeguard the creatures in their care.
Another thought: the sheep have no choice. Like the rest of us living beings they are subject to the conditions that play out in the material world. Of course we can add a little perspective to this: I am making these notes in a warm, dry and safe hermitage.
(Then, as I began to type up those notes just now, there was a very short but powerful thunder and lightning storm accompanied by very heavy hail. Once again I am warm, dry and safe.)
All beings are prisoners in a sense, to their material bodies, and, as I said, subject to suffering due to the material world. What we, as individual beings, or individual species, can do to reduce our suffering is going to always vary from individual to individual, from species to species.
I suppose what I’m getting at is that all of us – all beings – need help of one sort or another at some point, to release us or protect us from suffering.
I must admit that very often feel helpless when it comes to what I’m able to do to relieve the suffering of the world – my own, the suffering of those close to me, and that of all beings.
You know, I don’t not watch the news so I can avoid being upset or sad or angry which are often my reactions when seeing or reading news of the world. While I don’t enjoy those emotions when they come, it’s more the emotion they lead to that really bothers me: more and more feelings of helplessness.
And helplessness for me causes paralysis: whatever little I might otherwise be able to do, I cannot. For example, since checking that weather report I haven’t been able to settle to my prayers, my meditation, my chanting, and study; I am not, right now able to do any of the things I would normally do as my way of contributing to the welfare of other beings. Paralysis.
So, here I am making notes that will become a post to share with you. A story of checking the weather; of empathy with other beings; my feelings of inadequacy at not being able to relieve their suffering – as well as my own for that matter.
But, I will pray. I promise. Prayer is healing, prayer banishes helplessness.
Those sheep – as well as all other beings – and I are not separate; I am them and they are me. We are the One.
Today I’d like to share with you a short cautionary tale. It’s a true story, relating events that took place very recently.
There was a blogger, a serious student on the spiritual path; a monk whose mission in publishing his blog was – is – to share that path with others, to share the lessons he’s learned/learning. He sees it as one important aspect of his ‘doing God’s work’, reaching out to others of like heart and like mind.
Anyway, this blogger, he suddenly felt an intuition: he thought, I’ll set up an account on (insert here very popular platform) social media. That’s how to promote my blog he thought, and attract more readers.
So, dutifully, he set up an account and began posting. One or two poems, a couple of photos with commentary, that sort of thing. The plan was, post whatever seemed might be enlightening, whenever the feeling was there.
The blogger felt that this was a sort of ‘next step’. He thought that bringing more readers to his blog would help him with his quest to love more, and to share love.
But. Something wasn’t quite right. Sure, he, the blogger was excited by this new venture, this expansion of his service to the Divine and to the world. But he felt – literally and physically – a bit sick. A kind of nervousness gnawed at his guts; he just felt yuck.
‘I can’t do this,’ he thought to himself. ‘It’s not right’
So, there and then he resolved to delete the account, to close that chapter forever, and bring his focus back more fully to his blog. That’s where, he realised, was where God’s work could be done, as well as where his own passions lay.
But, the resolve, didn’t last long. He just had to act immediately. So, again right there and then, he deleted the account.
Instantly, a wave of relief swept over our blogger friend. He felt free, back on track. He now felt less burdened by a burden he’s made for himself, a burden that there really was no need to be carrying.
Okay, I confess: the blogger of whom we speak is in fact me. I know, you guessed that already, but it’s a disturbing saga and I guess I had some need to distance myself a little, at least to start with.
So, why the big relief? Why did it feel so right at the outset, but – almost immediately – felt so wrong to the extent of putting me ‘out of sorts’ physically and mentally?
Funny. That ‘out of sorts’ expression. That’s exactly the root of the issue right there I think. Years ago I withdrew from all social media – though I am on a photo sharing platform that is simply for that purpose and only that purpose, sharing photos.
You see, I thought (and still think) that social media generally had become a ground for conflict, and the celebration of conflict; it was a ground for corruption, gossip and sensation, for all the worst of the news (I know, the best too). Anyway, you know wht I mean: I’m not alone in giving it all up.
And, yet, here I was, feeling led to reopen that particular social media account. An example, I think, of an ego-driven desire for gain disguising itself as a genuine heart or soul intuition or calling.
I choose not to criticise or comdemn any social media platform. They are what they are. All I can say is that it’s not for me, not my ‘sort of thing’, not my cup of tea as it were. No wonder I was feeling out of sorts!
In my selfish, ego-driven compulsion to ‘increase traffic’ (what a horrible expression), I forgot entirely – as we so often do when blinded by desire – that this blog is seen and read by exactly those who are meant to see and read it – you!
So, I apologise to you for that sudden blindness, and for ignoring the absolute reality that it’s all working out just as it’s supposed to.
Among the physical exercises I try to perform on a daily basis, are a couple for strengthening the hips. One of these begins with me standing upright, feet together, eyes level, looking ahead.
Then I swing one leg at a time for ten repetitions in a kind of arc like motion out to side, keeping it level with the side of my body, bringing the leg back to the rest position with feet together. It’s a pendulum motion.
Anyway I’d been merrily going along doing these exercises more or less every day for ages, months really, until one day my partner hermit was watching me, and said:
‘You’re supposed to be doing it slowly and mindfully’. Or words to that effect.
You see I had been quite happy swinging each leg out in turn at a fast pace, kind of like an aerobic sort of thing. Just to get it done if I’m honest. Wrong! Supposed to be slowly and mindfully.
Lift one leg slowly in an arc like motion out to the side of the body. Pay attention to the movement as it’s happening; no need to push the leg out, just lift it to a comfortable position. Just let the arm trail loosely and of its own accord, along with the leg. Then, again slowly and paying attention to the process of the movement, bring the leg back.
And I do have to say there’s been an amazing difference. I can actually feel the muscles working during the exercise, and can sense the minute incremental motion as the leg swings slowly. It’s a way better exercise than it was, and now I wouldn’t do it any other way.
I was reminded of this incident this morning as I came across a short admonition, a little reminder to myself I have stuck on a Table of Contents page in my Bhagavad Gita.
Go slowly and mindfully in everything
What’s interesting is that, despite seeing and reading this so-called reminder more or less every day, and despite proofs of the benefits of actually listening to the reminder, such as what I’ve just described with the exercise , the reminder seems to mostly go right over my head, in one ear and out the other as they say.
Today, for some mysterious reason, it actually got my attention. At the same time, again who knows why, it triggered a truly relevant and appropriate memory to act as a kind of metaphor to illustrate the point to me.
I suppose it’s stating the obvious, but I can say that doing that (or any) exercise slowly and mindfully – in a watchful and observant manner – acts as an exercise in presence. Otherwise I’d not be sensing or feeling the muscles and the movement, or the peace of no random thoughts.
Did I mention that, having corrected my modus operandi with that particular exercise , I’m feeling the benefits? It definitely feels like things with legs and hips are loosening up, getting stronger. I’m actually walking further now without my legs aching on me.
More than that, I actually find myself wanting to do the exercise as opposed to ‘wanting to get it done’. Why is this? Well, I think it’s because I’m yearning to rediscover that feeling of presence; it’s a bit like a meditation, and in the same way clears the mind of random thoughts – at least for the short duration of the exercise. Having said that, even a short duration clarity plays its part in reconditioning a stubborn mind.
So, mental clarity, good exercise for the body, for the heart, even the soul?I think it’s the perfect metaphor for how I aspire to be living my life.
Renunciation. It’s a popular topic here at the Hermitage. Perhaps popular isn’t the right word; let’s say it’s a subject of conversation, thought, and contemplation on a quite frequent basis. As it is, I think, for most people attempting to live a spiritually focused life. For today, however, I really want to focus on some of my own thoughts around renunciation.
For those of us oriented towards the quest to live a spiritual, prayerful, and dharmic or truthful life, renunciation tends to mean the giving up of things, activities, and behaviours (including thoughts, attitudes, and the like). The theory is the very act of renunciation itself predisposes one to more authentic and close identification with their own true natures. It places them nearer to realisation of the Divine, of God, Absolute Reality.
And of course when harmful things, situations and attitudes are released, one has less to distract from the spiritual quest and life, Of course, most acts of renunciation don’t result in a one off quick fix: I heard in one of our hermitage conversations a few days ago the perfect quote to help make this point:
‘You just have to keep renewing the renunciation.‘
In other words, it’s a full-time, life-long job!
But, in the attempt at renouncing, we can potentially find some help towards a clearer focus on the spiritual side of life as well as more sensitivity towards what is good and what is not good for us.
A person free from both hatred & desire is always renounced. Indifferent to dualities, he is free from all bondage and easily attains liberation
Bhagavad Gita Ch 5:V 3
Which is where every one of us knows exactly what it means to try to give up what’s bad for us. It ‘ain’t easy is it? Still, we’re here to talk about me, not you or anyone else. So …
There are a few things that in perusing the monkish life, that I didn’t have to renounce; some things like eating flesh, drinking and smoking, going out to clubs, pubs and the rest, are things I’ve either never engaged in, or haven’t done for a very long time.
Which brings me to a good point to mention here. Any renunciation whatsover has to be a personal decision taken only after serious reflection and thought. And it must be made without outside coercion or pressures. While others may think they know what’s good (or bad) for you, in truth, it’s only you who really knows.
Anyway, as I was saying, or about to say, renouncing things hasn’t always a piece of cake for me. Actually, I love cakes of many and varied kinds and have had to renounce all of them. But that was more for my body’s health than for my spirit, though obviously the two go hand in hand.
Then, just a couple of days ago in a momentous event which in fact was the trigger for all this reflection on renunciation, I vowed to give up a particular breakfast cereal I’m really very fond of.
This renunciation – not the first attempt I might add – being prompted by the fact that I tend to experience quite strong indigestion, huge bloating, and general feeling yuck, when I’ve indulged in this cereal for any length of time.
There is nothing trivial about attempting to renounce foods and so on that harm our health; as I said, it’s a lifetime’s effort. And equally daunting are the non-physical things like attitudes and behaviours.
Any renunciation whatsover has to be a personal decision taken only after serious reflection and thought.
Here is an example, or group of examples, which along with the above-mentioned cereal saga, played a serious role in bringing about this post. They are behaviours and attitudes which very emphatically interfere with my quest for a Dharmic, prayerful, and spiritually focused life,
What I absolutely hate, despise, detest, am revolted by … Oops sorry; I forgot my monkish manners there for a minute. Let me try to rephrase.
I have a strong aversion to gossip, to judgemental thoughts and comments. I am averse to it on a couple of levels. Firstly, I do not like, for one second, the idea of not minding my own business, of commenting on what other beings do or say, or don’t do or don’t say, or how they behave.
Surely, my thinking goes, I have enough of my own business to mind, why do I need to mind the world’s business?
That’s the key one I think. But I really dislike the feelings such behaviour and attitudes invoke in me: anger, frustration, guilt, inappropriate thoughts, words and conversations. There is even a physical component sometimes when I make myself sick in some way through the stress of such things.
There is another point too, just as key if not more so. I’m routinely disgusted by the notion that these criticisms, judgements, not minding my own business, really do impact on what I call the vibes of life for all of us. Call it vibes, energies, whatever, but I sense that our own behaviour has a ripple effect beyond our immediate relationships and environments to the wider world beyond.
So, by now it’s pretty clear that I am in need of some serious renunciation of my judgemental, critical thought and words, as well as the anger, disgust and the like, I feel and express towards those I deem worthy of my judgement. Okay, not just others: all we’ve been saying here applies equally to myself.
Perhaps it’s to do with family, school, or societal conditioning? And like any full-on conditioning it can tend to preoccupy, even possess, one’s life.
These are all old stories. They come from a past that doesn’t exist. For real, it’s gone right? Actually, when you think about it, there really is no such thing as the past.
Long ago, decades really, I was big into affirmations. I had a whole collection in a little folder that I kept in my pocket of on my desk or wherever was handy.
There are a few I remember even now thirty or more years later, and there are one or two that come to mind that might be helpful that I can resurrect to share here.
I release and let go of all that is unlike love. There is plenty of time and space for everything I want to do.
You let go of all that’s unlike love, what’s left? Love. Love is all. All is love. And this affirmation has an added bonus: no regrets, it’s never too late, there is time – and space – aplenty.
And the second one. I think it’s just as good:
I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe where I am. I create my own security. I love and approve of myself.
This one I’ve rewritten as a prayer; I might share that one sometime. The helpfulness here is easy to get: I’m safe; it’s okay to have my own feelings.
There’s no outside threat – nothing to attack, nothing to defend – and, finally, I have no need to be entangled with all that unwanted stuff, that – as I’ve already said a couple of times – is none of my business.
For my community, the invisible and the visible, with love
Notes from the Hermit's Cave 